ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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