You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
