I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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