I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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