I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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