not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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