Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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