Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
