You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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