the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
