oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
