i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
