So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
