Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
