Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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