I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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