i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
