Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
