It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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