went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
