you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
