Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
