btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
