i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
