was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
