Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
