so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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