Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
