Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
