have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
