I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
