Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
the raccoons are back...
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