that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
