Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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