I heard we made out
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i came on her dog
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
