awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
