I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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