Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
