Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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