I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
