Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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