Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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