I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
