i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dear god my vagina.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
