I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
