i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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