I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
