Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
