Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
