She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Even my vagina gasped.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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